the perks of being a wallflower.

"my thoughts are stars i can't fathom into constellations"

-The fault in our stars

dear online journal,

I screwed up my body clock by sleeping at 7am. oh well

so my friends have been telling me that i sound like a depressed kid on this page, and maybe i should sound more like in my old journals, where i had a personal statement self-proclaiming i was "the happiest girl in the whole wide world." I think as we grow up more things happen and you remember the painful adolescences that you've numbed up and the feelings you've shut down for years.

I can't help but feel obsolete to earth like there's no place for me and theres no reason to be optimistic about being here anymore 'cause the only thing i do right is mess things up. Some days my existence is redundant

nowadays i step back from things i want because it's inculcated in my heart that someone else deserves the similar thing that i want. and i've come to accept that i can only do what i ought to do and i have to let go of the things i want to do, just going by the rules and flow. i kinda wish i could live in the movie shows where 'em girls always get the guy they want; I just want to fall in love with a guy who loves me as much as i love him, that's enough for me however i can totally predict that if one day i fall in love this guy will just runaway after finding out what a bore i actually am. i wonder how it feels like to be accepted like that though.

also, i need to visit the dentist. Another reason for a guy to runaway because i eat way too much gummy candies more than deemed acceptable.

speaking all just from the honest thoughts.

xoxo 

Jang.