hannah jang

A small quiet hello greeting  all the way from the South.

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I don't know what compelled me to be here in korea but for some reason I felt one helluva potent urge I'd have to say, for me to lose everything in the mountains to brood over a good month and decide to fly here with nothing — dropped my job I've been in for the past half year, and also slipped a good half my life away in the woods known in a span of my Apple iPhone within a split second of unawaring realisation; I swear that pretty much jacked up everything I dreamt of doing for a while because I had all my meticulous notes and memos and everything in there with all that poetries and writings I wrote for a book I wanted to publish sometime. And also a good bunch of photos. Perhaps not just a bunch. But perhaps three weeks worth of a dream come true but gone within a split, as I've said.


You won't even be able to begin to imagine the amount of agony, the brooding phase I've been facing despite my many regrettable events. I've always been used to having a series of unfortunate events and my life much revolves around losing my things and messing up certain things, but this has all been too real. I won't go on, but you tell by now the amount of desperation I went through enough for me to call my last card to survival, back to my motherland for also many other reasons that I wish to tell you, if you'll ever ask.

Being here always, teaches me many things about myself.
Sometimes it brings me to a true hell of a deathly wallow pothole of eternal destitute but it also teaches me how much I would do to crawl out on four knees and to break my back just to keep my chin up. Always, always, worth that battle within myself. I've been given too many opportunities, and I've been dwelling much on each of them subsequently -- with all that despondent thoughts I've been consumed with, whilst I drown in pessimistic and punitive thoughts about my incompetent self, still, I've been trying my best to work on my Cambodia videos in a great attempt to shift my priorities to better things in life; with crossed fingers to my broken bones I hope that my decisions will take me right and far. I'd have to say it has been quite decrepitating to the inept brain of yours truly, with a mental repression from all that brainstorming and thinking - also a little stuck lately, but all I hope for is that there's good; many people have asked, so to speak, I'm not paid to do this, but within my hopes that my time and effort will pay to bring a certain light that I myself, cannot bring, but make mere attempts to evoke.

And so with much that I've wrote, but now once written, I've lost everything, literally six months of work and all that writing, the odysseys I've hoped to share, the calloused feelings I finally managed to feel in a blue moon's time. That guy who found my phone sure fooled me good and knew me for my plain naive self because I trusted that old guy and came back home with a six hundred dollar bill worth of pure scapegoat goodness - perhaps the one up there had better plans and bigger things for me to learn out of whilst I'm back at it at teaching Korean kids here that previously and aberrantly drove me one foot to my very own graveyard once, I can't say I am entirely concurring with this whole thing happening, with me laying my foundations on the things I've lost and I'm also not as okay as aloof as I sound, I can't help it - I am still learning how to feel. But just give me more time to bitter at my unbalanced stupidity innate within me, just for a tad -

I'll be better. And write all over again,
With one less thing to learn out my life. Well just hopefully.