"Fundamentals"

      


It's so insane to think that foundation year is officially over.
I must say that I've never actually pushed myself further than I'm tethered to as much as this before, and It really took over my heart mind and body. I'm glad to see my inner potential that I never knew existed so I really thank you, lasalle.

All the sleepless nights and the caffeine overdose, all the nightmares that scared the hoot out of me closely every night, the crazy amount of money I've spent of things I'm gonna throw away, all the frustrations over things I can't get right, being very elusive towards things that coherents with feelings or emotions cause i didn't want any distractions --- All the self-induced stress will stop for now.
I just need time; To draw myself back into the "real life", 'cause apparently it hasn't donned on my tormented body that it's enough for now, and it is now utterly resistant towards everything irrevant to work itself.

So hello civilization and hello humanity -- I'm coming back for you. I can't wait to be in the library for hours and hours reading encyclopedias about everything, and painting detailed pictures of significant people and also, taking film photos, I think anywhere along this line that will help me recharge would be real great, for now.

Once I'm done, it's time to deal with more serious matters that's I've been conflicting to evade at all means (With clearly an innate problem of blocking out feelings). I am terrible at talking out my feelings  (for the umpteenth times and I'm still dealing with it), I genuinely don't know what I feel about some things, and even if they're intensely strong feelings, I can't discern between the bad vibes with the good vibes. As much as it frustrates the people around me, it frustrates me even more.
I guess I've truly mastered the talent of numbing emotions.


 There're a lot of things I wish I could tell some people, how they mean the world to me, how much they're capable of making me feel things I can't feel. But I think for now, I really need to learn to take care of myself,  so that when they finally know how much they mean to me, I'd know how to love them the better way.


As conflicted and vexed you are with me
I want to tell you many things, that I can't
but some things are seasonal
It may sound selfish but I hope you'll stay until I get to you.



Because when I get to you ------ I know I will.