"Indifference"

A few days ago, I found out that another of my closest friend is leaving for six years - today I found out my other good friend is leaving to Korea for good.

I've never been good with seperations, but in a span of less than a year, five of my closest friends have left or are about to leave. And because it takes me a whole lot of courage and will to bring someone into my life, as much as I'd like to say i'm not an attached person, I can't promise anyone that i'm being honest.

I'm starting to feel a tad detached from my feelings because my indifference is a product of my fear - fear of being attached to someone because I know i would always disappoint.

I've always had this punitive idea, that I've always done something wrong for them to be leaving, whether with any circumstances or without. That maybe I was born a huge mistake since I disappoint everyone I know, and I'm trying really hard to dispute the idea because I know that even though I may make mistakes, God did not make a mistake, in creating me. It's a whole new learning process. I just need to learn to learn - though my comfort zone is a beautiful place, I need to learn to make progress, and not stay aloof.


I cannot forgive myself for my maladroitness and the number of compromises i've made, but let's not invite myself to a pity party

As of now, it's back to fighting in silence not to shrink back to my old self, again.