"Sundays"

9:30pm // Sunday
Missed my mandatory Sunday service because I forgot it was a Sunday.  How does one even forget days?

Walking pass a blood donation aid advertisement was a mistake because my entire body felt like feather out of nowhere, I suddenly remembered that once when I taught an art class and a kid sliced his fingers with scissors and it bled so much as he ran up to me and asked me for help but I was so consumed with fear that I had to hold the wall to stabilize myself from collapsing - I never taught any art class again. Until today I blame myself for what really happened. I never really wanted to hurt anyone. Believe me


All these are crazy thoughts because I felt so weak all of the sudden I couldn't even catch proper breaths and I was panicking so much; blood was pretty much all I could think about and I started getting really fuzzy in a train station, I really had to hold someone so I wouldn't lose my balance.


I can't believe myself sometimes. It's just that I really, really don't wish to go back to where I was again.

The thought of it terrifies me so much
I would rather die than go through it again.