I'm sitting and eating icecream. Im feelin really depressed right now because he did not give me back my money in the end like he promised. Should have known, everybody comes to me for something in their own benefit. I like Icecream very much but for some reason I can't remember how it's supposed to taste like anymore and it doesn't taste like anything because I'm crying. This is ridiculous.
I don't even know why I'm crying anymore because I've been so cautious with everyone and I can't pinpoint what's it I've done wrong. People tell me I should beware of people but honestly I am more afraid of myself than anyone else at this point, especially when I'm currently losing my abilities - god I really don't trust myself-
Should've known huh?
Lost a friend out of the kindness in benefit of his own and now I can't even be angry him for my own mistakes, for choosing to trust someone I knew was up to no good, for perpetually looking at the good to the worst, for hoping for good to exist when there's really none --
Which reminds me badly of that one friend I had for five years that took away my lifetime of savings - until today, all I can think of is the friendship that I lost, what I could have done better as a friend, what I've done wrong for the decisions she had to make, and how people chose money over friendships; I honestly can't help but wonder why people constantly choose money over me all the time. What helluva loser I actually really am in the end for thinking I did something right.
update // 17 may // 1:21am
It's just been a very rough week - but I will get better in a few days. I promise that.
except that I can only half that because in this cruel world promises are never meant to be fulfilled - at least in my life hah
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