hannah jang

There are no words to describe how much I'm feeling at once right now

All I want right now is to give my all in my major and think about nothing, but my major. I never wanted anything this bad, and all these is just to make my parents proud. For once.
I don't believe in competing amongst, because all I wanna compete is with myself.  I want to battle out with my head. In brutally honest words, I don't give a crap about who scores highest or the other way, because I'm in school to learn about my potential, Nothing less, nothing more.
Anything opposing this is unnecessary.

I wish people would see me give my heart, and be happy for me. who'll do this with me, instead of anything else. Although I've never been proud of my work, I am happy doing it because  I know what I'm doing it for -- and that's enough for me.

Sometimes, I think I'm hypersensitive in a way - I meticulously absorb every living word people speak to me: especially when they mean a lot to me.
And bad thoughts are utterly pervasive - They gradually turn me into a someone that believes the whole world is against me or that messing things up is my forte. Every time I get affected, someone gets affected by my behaviors and I become even more upset for causing everything to fall out of place; Just because I was selfish. I always try to fix things, then end up failing and feeling like they don't deserve a bad friend like me. Again, thoughts are always pervasive.
 
Today I am overwhelmed with surging emotions; I feel like I messed up in so many ways, and I can't do anything but to distract myself with work. Kheemchi is the only person in the world that make me laugh at my worst and I really thank God I have him.
 But right now, I'm so frustrated with myself about everything and my body has shut down on me,and my heart and mind is starting to shut down myself --and (self)Rejection is key to my withdrawal.  I don't know if I'd eventually withdraw from these raging war of words adherent to my head; But I know I can conquer my thoughts.

All I have to do now, is fight in silence.